Down

I am feeling solemnly down this moment. Can't stop the tears from trickling down. Can't stop missing my dad for no reason. I miss my daddy's protection. I miss daddy's comfort. I miss my dad.

I am very tired. I don't think i can carry on anymore. All i need is a listening ear. Someone who can listen tentatively to me, like how dad used to. Someone who would just give me more attention when i need one. Someone who could show me more support, n pray with me. My burden is too heavy. I feel like falling down. I don't wan to continue anymore.

Everyday i make extra efforts to put on a strong n cheerful attitude, but in fact, i'm weary n exhausted. What makes you think it is an easy peasy task moving and settling in a new place alone? Starting all over again, getting familiar with road systems, first time setting up a new home, first time assembling furnitures and cleaning up for 3 stupid tiring days and still had to wake up at 5am to study? And then after that spend the remaining days sleeping on the couch? I haven't got a good sleep since i dunno when, but i am persistently trying to make sure breakfast is laid every morning before everyone is awake, all dishes are washed thoroughly and the house spotless clean before i go to bed. I am trying all my best despite the physical condition i am in and despite that i had a stupid test, but i guess i have a limit which i don't think i can cross anymore. I am not complaining, and i don't mind doing things around, but all i ask is some support and encouragement in matters that concern me such as a job test. I think i deserve a prayer and words of encouragement.

I am not a good person, i know it. And i am not able to do a good job in everything. It's not worth it anymore. I feel so alone now.

Dad, i miss those times when you used to send me to an important event, and before i stepped out, you would say, no worries, just do your best and God will be with you. I know God is with me, but i desperately need a secondment from someone and an assurance that I am not alone. I'm scared. I am really afraid.