These a few days, i am plagued with some homesick viruses (+ a bit of cold), that got me all teary and depressed. For no reason, i miss home! I miss homecooked meals; be it my mom's, grandma's or aunts'. Just the taste of home food. I miss speaking the language. I miss my own identity. I miss my home. I really do.
I shared this with Michael just yesterday, and the reply i got was ' Is this place here not your home?'. Fair enough. I chose to leave my home to come to this place. I chose to leave my family to be united with this family. But they are different. Maybe i shouldn't use the word 'leave'. The right term should be ... well, i don't know.
My aunties left yesterday early morning after Micaiah's birthday. Their visit to Melbourne made me realised how much i actually missed KK. And how long i haven't spoken my own mother tongue. How long i haven't tasted that particular taste of homecooked meal. Living in a foreign land where home and family is thousand miles away is not easy at all. I have friends coming to me, complimenting how perfect my life is. Yes i am blessed, God has never fail to provide our every need, He is faithful and has never made my life any harder in this foreign land. In fact, i have everything. So much that i am starting to realise how I have been mistreating myself for the last few years. I put myself in a space where there are too many constraints and limitations that I am suffocating to this point. I wish i can find someone whom i can really talk to. Who can really listen without judging. Who can tell me it's ok, you are not alone. Who can lend me a shoulder to cry on.
Am I suffering from antenatal depression?
Sigh....
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