Farewell

My parents in law left today, n again, i'm feeling the same tinge of bitter pain ache. yes, i hate farewells. especially when i'm the one being left behind. it's gonna take me days to recover n get used to the silence. N all the jokes n laughter they brought to us during the last 14 days. Sigh. i din cry because i had Hub.  if i'm alone, i think i wld be pouring like a mad girl.

Here's one pic i like, and a secret i'd like to share.

My MIL is a shopaholic!

I'll share another secret next time.

Down

I am feeling solemnly down this moment. Can't stop the tears from trickling down. Can't stop missing my dad for no reason. I miss my daddy's protection. I miss daddy's comfort. I miss my dad.

I am very tired. I don't think i can carry on anymore. All i need is a listening ear. Someone who can listen tentatively to me, like how dad used to. Someone who would just give me more attention when i need one. Someone who could show me more support, n pray with me. My burden is too heavy. I feel like falling down. I don't wan to continue anymore.

Everyday i make extra efforts to put on a strong n cheerful attitude, but in fact, i'm weary n exhausted. What makes you think it is an easy peasy task moving and settling in a new place alone? Starting all over again, getting familiar with road systems, first time setting up a new home, first time assembling furnitures and cleaning up for 3 stupid tiring days and still had to wake up at 5am to study? And then after that spend the remaining days sleeping on the couch? I haven't got a good sleep since i dunno when, but i am persistently trying to make sure breakfast is laid every morning before everyone is awake, all dishes are washed thoroughly and the house spotless clean before i go to bed. I am trying all my best despite the physical condition i am in and despite that i had a stupid test, but i guess i have a limit which i don't think i can cross anymore. I am not complaining, and i don't mind doing things around, but all i ask is some support and encouragement in matters that concern me such as a job test. I think i deserve a prayer and words of encouragement.

I am not a good person, i know it. And i am not able to do a good job in everything. It's not worth it anymore. I feel so alone now.

Dad, i miss those times when you used to send me to an important event, and before i stepped out, you would say, no worries, just do your best and God will be with you. I know God is with me, but i desperately need a secondment from someone and an assurance that I am not alone. I'm scared. I am really afraid.

Life so far

Sigh. Life seems to be exhaustive of late. Ever since i moved into this unit, i haven't got a peaceful good quality sleep and i am feeling really really tired. Physically and mentally. Am i suffering from anemia? I feel like i'm losing control of my own well being. I'm dying out soon. I am not perfect. I am not a good person. I have too much..and forgeting how to say 'thank you'.

January is coming to an end

Today marks the end of January. I get a bit freaked out sometimes by the speed of how fast time actually went by, and i know this is not something that i can take control of, but rather spend each second wisely. When i was younger i used to think time is running very slow, and wish that i can grow up as soon as possible to achieve something which i couldn't as a little kid. When i reached the end of my mid twenties, i freak myself out everyday, becoz there are so many things that i simply wan to do, but just can't.  That's how meak humans are. Regardless, i know that only thru such circumstances when we are made weak that the power of God can evidently be made strong.

I've been stressing myself out lately, from the shopping episodes to some tests which i will be sitting in Feb. Sigh. Tests are hard when you haven't been using your brain for like 'ages'. I'm terrified and don't know if i can actually pass these tests. I can only trust God and do my best, that's all. If i can make a wish at this point, i wld wish for a transformation. I wan to be brilliant. With the smartest brain.

Things seem to come at the same time. I wld be spending the next couple of days, cleaning, moving and more shopping for our new place. That leaves me small amount of time to focus on my 'tests'. In the midst of these, what i really wan to do to destress is to mould some dough n pop them in the oven. Alas, i can't even do this due to time constraint etc. Nevertheless, i will perform my best and do what i can. My in laws are coming on Friday, n i would appreciate your prayers always. :-)

Got some photos to post here:

Car Boot  is full after two days of shopping

A large beef burger with Aussie chips - yummy.

Tomato n leek soup. Big bowl.

What's better than enjoying a cup of latte after a tiring day



Time to fast n pray?

I am dreaming of my baking days. lol. haha. colorful cupcakes. boob tarts. blueberry tarts. cabbage cake. n lotsa lotsa more new crazy recipes.

Busy shopping with hubby these few days to get furnitures, electrical appliances, gadgets, utensils, cooking tools n essential items for the new place. Hectic. n Lotsa $$$ involved as well. *Sweat* but God is gracious. n always our Jehovah Jireh. We were never in hunger, or in need.

Seems like we are settling quick, praise God! I was discussing with hub just this morning about job hunting and stuff. I was reminded of how blessed i am, like, i am not in urgent desperation to get a job, but rather, have the pleasure of taking my sweet time to apply and get one that i really like and want to do as a start of my future. I haven't been sending lotsa of applications (i admit i'm lazy), i guess in overall  only about 11 in the past 3 months (based on my calculation from the folders in my computer). I reckon i got to be attracted to the job description before applying, its relevancy to my qualifications n stuff, and of coz, not just blindly apply. Yeah, it's one privilege that i am thankful for, i am not required to work wholly for survival but rather importantly doing something which i really enjoy and succeeding at the same time. God has a purpose for us in Mel, something which i knew from the start and the last few days have kept me thinking whether i should fast, pray n seek God. Fasting for a breakthrough, tat's wat i need.

I've got a big event coming up, a news to be received, n many more agendas to attend to. Thinking of stealing sum hours in the evening after the 1st to bake some cookies. Cookies for CNY. better than none. :-)

Hallelujah!

God is great. Exceedingly great. Today we just signed the lease agreement and i'm proud to present to you our first home in Mel! Initially we weren't really sure of the location, due to uncertain factors like job location, etc etc. Not to mention the nature of my work, which is highly likely to be out of the CBD area, and in contrast with hub's which is almost 77.7% likely to be in the city. We went around looking for the whole week since hub's arrival on last Tues, and exactly a week after, accommodation is settled! Hallelujah! (P/S: Mel is a big metropolitan, n deciding which suburb to settle in is quite difficult)

It's a unit apartment.One bedroom but with a big living room, and one point five toilets.

I will be spending my baking days here. Can't wait.

Yup, the unit is just next to this mall. (as in next door). Convenient. I can stock up groceries everyday.

Am so thankful. Hehe. Thank you so much for your prayers. Really appreciate it.

I know i am a bit *greedy*, but would really appreciate if you can continue to partner in prayer with me in the following items:

1. My in laws are coming! Yup, next week, landing on the 4th Feb. Pray that God will bless and protect their 14 hours flight, and against all hindrances, delays, turbulences, faulty aircraft, and all the bad stuff. I am looking forward to having an exciting CNY with them, although a bit late, but better than none huh? Just hope that their two-weeks trip here will be fruitful as we spend time travelling, n holidaying as a family.

2. I am still waiting for South East's reply after the interview. They informed me that it will take weeks, and i really pray that i can get the post. It would be a great opportunity for me to learn, contribute and grow in my career. Have been praying constantly everyday about this.

3. I just received another invitation to an assessment day sort of thingy by Yarra Valley Water today. Very great news indeed, i am thrilled. Yarra Valley is the biggest among the three water retailers in Mel, n South East coming as second. Infact, i will be paying my water bills to Yarra valley. haha, hub said it will be cool to pay to your employer with the wages you receive from them. yeah, i cannot agree more but then again, i am leaving this to God with a thankful and 'try my best' attitude. I will do my best definitely, thank God for short listing me!

4. Hub will be concentrating in job hunting after my in laws' visit. Pray that God will open up doors and give His utmost favor to all his applications with the potential employers.

Yeah, God has been great. Life has been hard and easy. But through it all, He has been there. Amen!

Wishing you guys a blessed Gong Xi Gong Xi

So sad. :-(

This year, for the first time, i'm not baking for the coming festive Chinese season. No recipe modifying and researching. No pineapple being stocked up for jam. No ingredient shopping.

No spring cleaning. but soon, thorough cleaning of a new place.
And i won't have a feast to feast. 
No celebration. No reunion.
No homemade pineapple tarts n lotsa cookies. No 'thin thin spring roll like' wafer.
No kek lapis n nian gaos.
No prawn cracker.
No 'kiu nyuk' n lotsa yummy dishes.
No giving out or receiving hong baos.
In this place which i now call 'my home'.

And this will continue for years.  :-(

Oh well, make sure you guys enjoy urselves and eat all you can for me, ok?

N yeah, Have a Blessed Gong XI Gong XI. I will deliver some pineapple tarts to you tonite. In your dreams. :-D